CrankySec

Obtuse On Purpose™️

It is that time of the year again. Hacker summer camp. A time to enjoy the hospitality, great weather, and good vibes of Clark County. An opportunity to experience the delights of that special piece of unincorporated land just outside of Las Vegas city limits. The most unique chance to rub elbows with the crème de la crème of the cybersecurity and hacker communities! What a treat! Unless you're a volunteer who needs to arrive before everyone else, and leave after cleaning up the mess. Fun!

Also a great—perhaps unique—chance to have your belongings searched by hotel personnel that may or may not be a bunch of weirdos/CSI wannabes/kleptomaniacs. That "do not disturb" sign won't help you, so you're better off just sticking to the basics of having drugs and dead prostitutes in your room. God forbid they find your Flipper Zero. Double fun!

It is also a time for "account executives" and "business development managers" to get out there and do what they do best: convince other "executives" to part ways with money that does not belong to them in exchange for something you don't need and/or a t-shirt or whatever. You know what I'm talking about: some AI-enabled grep replacement or anti-virus anti-malware endpoint protection endpoint detection and response software that's just an open road between the vendor and the kernel of your computers. Or some cloud-native bullshit that's just an amalgamation of open source software with some Corporate Memphis aesthetic sprinkled on top.

More importantly, though, is the fact that this is a very exciting opportunity to be obtuse on purpose™️. It's the time to ask these people "why would I do that?" or "people are buying your tool willingly?" or "but isn't this just Prowler with some CSS?" You see, these things just work because everyone plays along. A significant portion of attendees are there to take a break from the old ball and chain amirite? To play some craps and enjoy some "complimentary" Bud Lights. They're there to enjoy Las Vegas and chill with the boys. Maybe go out to the desert and shoot some rounds! Or drive a Lambo!

They are not there to wake up at the dawn of noon on a Saturday to watch some nerd with negative charisma talk about vulnerabilities in branch predictors or whatever the fuck these dorks do. These, my friends, are the people who know how to solve problems you didn't even know you had for the low, low price of your entire budget! You don't see these business account developer manager executives going en masse to, I don't know, Louisville for Hack Red Con, do you? No. There's no Sphere in Kentucky.

If you're there to see some cool presentations, hang out with your peers, exchange some tales from the trenches, and just be around people who share this specific interest/profession with you, I humbly suggest being obtuse on purpose™️ when dealing with sales people and/or suits that don't know what the fuck they're talking about but have no problem ruining your vacation when the Crowd strikes. Saying "I don't understand what you mean, can you expand on that?" or "it seems to me that you didn't fully capture the message being conveyed by the presenter" or "you're mistaking me for someone who would willingly torpedo their work life by even thinking about using your product."

You, obviously, should do you. Just consider the possibilities for mischief here, which is totally in line with the original spirit of the event. Want some free drinks at the vendor party? Damn right. But think about the opportunity to take some of the people who make your professional life more stressful than it needs to be down a couple of notches by way of some well crafted insults and backhanded compliments like "Splunk? How do you spell that? Like the cave thingy? Wasn't that a videogame from the 1980s?"

People, be nice to goons. Goons, be nice to people. Drink plenty of water, use sun blockers, and fucking shower. You might score some CrankySec stickers if you know where to look. If you do, come over to our Discord and send us a picture of the sticker in action! Have a mischievous time!

P.S. By popular demand, you can buy me a coffee with this thingy here. No pressure.