CrankySec

Oh no! Accountability!

Hi. Let's talk about the fact that your CISO is a 10-ply little bitch who will not stand the tyranny of the big guvmint asking him (taking a bet on the pronouns here, odds are good) to maybe do his job. One guy got hit with a little charge by the SEC, and every CISO (that's short for glorified-director-who-thinks-they're-c-suite-but-report-to-an-actual-executive if you're not familiar with the term) lost their collective shit. See, that SolarWinds dude was charged with fraud, my guys. You going on corporate Eat, Pray, Love (LinkedIn) with your "vCISO" bio (lol) and crying about your being somehow persecuted by the government, and that you can't possibly do your job with the threat of jail time hanging over your head just tells me that:

If only they knew how fucking ridiculous they sound when they throw their little tantrums online while completely missing the goddamned point, they would probably pump the breaks a little bit. That, however, is impossible. Impossible because no one in their right minds would dare to contradict the big, influential, strong boys on LinkedIn. That's simply not allowed: how will that look when that recruiter who's not really recruiting anyone takes a gander at your profile! How will you not find a job on LinkedIn now? Guess you're going to have to pay for Premium, because you're not a sociopath who's always falling upwards, amirite, girls?

Doctors, lawyers, accountants, engineers, practitioners of any consequential occupation, really, are all held to professional standards with consequences if they fuck up. Forgot the scalpel inside your patient's lung? There'll be a hearing. Bridge you designed collapsed? Sit down and let's chat. Illegal check to the head? You're getting a call from the Department of Player Safety. But not you, eh big boy? You're special, and you need to be able to operate with no oversight, accountability, or consequences, eh? People might find out that you don't know what the fuck you're doing and your whole career is a con. If shit like that happens, you are at risk of being demoted to CEO or something.

Tchalla

Now that we've established that the vast majority of the CISOs out there are a bunch of pussies, what can we do? Well, I tell ya: we can fucking talk to each other honestly. Your CISO is a piece of shit who cums a little in his pants every time his boss asks him to "look into that AI stuff" but can't even explain what the A and the I stand for? Let your peers know. Go on that Discord group and torch that asshole. I wanna know about it. Create a fake LinkedIn profile just to call bullshit whenever they post something stupid like "LLMs are a game changer for cYbEr!" You don't even know how the game works right now, bud. Don't come here preaching about it changing. It's cool, friends. They can't fucking read.